Concerning the Art of Disguise

    Recently, I found that I had gone several months without taking out the recycling, and had thus amassed over one hundred (100) assorted cans, bottles, and various other liquor receptacles, including one glass boot and one Aykroyd-Approved crystal skull. 
    Turns out, you can trade those liquor bottles for cold hard cash at my local liquor store, though they have an incredibly oppressive rule: each person is only allowed to return 24 bottles, each day.
    This was a problem for me, as I wanted that money now. (Actually, then.) 
    So I got to thinking: suppose a man could become several men, perhaps through the thrilling art of disguise?
    This chameleon, I supposed, would hypothetically become a person such as Dave Ostergard, a local accountant with a pair of moccasins, daytime pyjamas, and a box full of cider cans.

   Dave walks a bit like a chimpanzee and is afraid of spiders.

   Dave walks a bit like a chimpanzee and is afraid of spiders.

    This master of disguise would also have to be able to become a person like Taylor Belvin, a vinyl record enthusiast with a plastic bag full of beer cans.

 Taylor has a sock that he calls Cynthia and wants to marry Meg White.

 Taylor has a sock that he calls Cynthia and wants to marry Meg White.

    A schemer such as this, would have to become a man like Ethan Tromblo, a wannabe DJ who thinks that being a DJ involves making iTunes playlists.

Ethan has two canvas bags full of hard liquor bottles and his breath smells like cough syrup.

Ethan has two canvas bags full of hard liquor bottles and his breath smells like cough syrup.

    Ideally, this hypothetical scheme could even benefit from an accomplice, and could go under the guise of Mr and Mrs Thompson, two insurance adjusters from Long Island.

Mr and Mrs Thompson were very courteous, and didn't fart once during their whole visit. It was someone else who farted. Honest.

Mr and Mrs Thompson were very courteous, and didn't fart once during their whole visit. It was someone else who farted. Honest.

    Using nothing but their wits, wiles, and women's intuition, anyone brave, lucky, or just plain handsome enough to pull off this scheme would amass nearly ten whole dollars by the end of the day! Totally worth it.